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| early november morning |
Three months after returning to Utah, the predawn morning saw me pushing the last of my cardboard boxes into the backseat of a recently purchased 98 Corolla. I pulled out of the side canyon, and headed west on the main canyon road. 10 days later, most of the boxes were be in the back seat of the car.
By that afternoon, I was in the sizable town of Winnemucca, Nevada, talking with my service coordinator and raising my right hand to recite the platitudinous pledge of service that had been tacked to the wall.
I bought food and started the drive down toward Reno. By the time I had to turn northward off the highway it had started to get dark, and I pulled off the road, checking my maps and printouts in the dirt pullout in front of the small offroad townish furnishings. I'd been right the first time. It was that smallish dark road with no cars or lights, leading north under an overpass.
A dark clench of queasiness at the base of my ribcage had been spinning there all day, and had warmed as I headed farther into the unfamiliar. I am not alone my attempt to ignore the great darkness behind us, catching up, alien, indifferent, and inevitable. It's always there. And at dusk in the desert, with the opening up of depths of dark blue universe, and the outline of distant chains of mountains, and the deep flatness that falls away from a two-lane road, sometimes it reaches right down into you.
I arrived in this small town late, and met my new director, and currently only employee of the non-profit at which I'd be working. He showed me around our office briefly, and we went to the bar nearby, the bartender of which doubled as the motel check in desk. I'd be staying in a weekly. We had a beer on him, and went round to see the motel. The smell was the first thing I noticed, and I glanced at his face. "Oh yeah, it's about as big as my place," he said. We parted, saying we'd see each other in the morning, I got my sleeping bag and toothbrush and wine out of my car and was soon asleep.
The next day I showered and showed up. After a tour of the office and all our stuff, we took our truck out onto the playa, the massive flat dry bed of ancient sediments. The clayish grey-white silt is impervious to seepage, and it's saltiness allows nothing to grow. The area's also lively with geothermal activity as well, and an archipelago of hotsprings scatters across the desert, several of the hottest ones have a history of fatalities.
Every morning, I awoke with an awful smell in my nostrils. I slept with all the windows open. I tried not to touch anything in the living room. It was becoming difficult to transcend the filthy carpet. On the third morning, nauseated before my eyes were open, I swore I'd sleep in my car before staying there another night. That evening I didn't go back. I pulled my sleeping bag out of my car again, and set it up on our office couch. I had found a few folk on the Internet to email about a place, but that didn't come to fruition. Our director was vague and unhelpful. "I mean, there should be some places around here... ."
